The Short End Of The Stick.

Screenshot_190 My mother and hubby are always telling me to Stop complaining! and even on Facebook on a question I posted on my wall asking How well you know me: What is something I like? my brother-in-law replied: to complain. (It was supposed to be things along the likes of hippos, sunflowers, Bob Marley, my dog, etc.) but I have every right to complain given my circumstanmces and my reply to them is always, when they say that they’re  tired of always hearing about it all the time is, Well, I’m  tired of always having to live it!! I have always gotten the short end of the stick in life and I’m sick of it.

I’m tired of always having nothing but constant, non-stop ongoing SHIT.  All I ever get in life is misfortune, hardship, bad luck, trauma, abuse, difficulty, struggle, rejection, pain, disappointment, failure, lost hopes and dreams, unfulfillment, unhappiness, misery, betrayal, loss, being outcast, always having to settle, never being quite enough, never quite making it, finding it, or doing it, always falling short, getting the broken, malfunctioning, defective second-rate second-class inferior goods of life, being picked last, never being anyone’s favourite, an object of ridicule and hate, bullied, broken, unloved, settling for less and never deserving more, never good enough, lacking, longing, hoping, dreaming, disillusioned, cursed, regretting, losing out, feeling an otherness, of never belonging or fitting in, of never catching my break.

So, basically, I always get the short end of the stick in life and I’m sick of it. So, I’ll complain if I want to. I’ve earned it. Even if no one else cares, it makes me feel better to vent.

Yesterday.

Screen Shot 08-09-16 at 03.56 PM Yesterday I got my passport photos taken, as seen here, also known as my mug shot. My old passport expires soon and I have to get a new one. Now we have a 10 YR option instead of the usual 5 YR one so I’ll be getting that even though it costs close to 200$ but it lasts longer and so  less hassle less often. The lady taking the photo had to keep re-doing it as it was soooo hot (32 C) and I kept sweating, with beads of sweat on my forehead, making a “glare” in the photo which they reject on passport photos as they’re sooooo picky, so she went over to the cosmetics counter and got me some blotting powder and a mirror and I went to work touching up my face to mask the shine. I felt like I was a model getting ready for my photo-shoot……except for the fact that I’m fugly, and I look like a man, and passport photos are notoriously hideous,and you can clearly see my turkey-neck….ugh… you’re not allowed to smile or show any facial expression,either, and have to look so stern, but as passport photos go I guess it turned out ok. It’s good you can’t see my hands though as with the heat and my fluid retention they’re so puffy my knuckles now look like dimples and my left lower leg and ankle’s all swollen,too.

I also went to the lab for blood work and even though I had booked an app’t online I was waiting…..and waiting….and waiting….and after forever I went back up to the reception and told them I’d had an app’t something like 25 minutes ago and did they “forget” about me, so they checked and somehow they’d misplaced my paper and it was mistakenly put in the wrong pile hidden underneath something so I kept waiting to be called and I never would have been had I not gone up and said something….and then when I finally WAS called in after that they said the test( for the aldosterone level) had to be done in the morning, 2 HRS after I get up and before 10 am( it was now around 1 pm) so I have to go BACK again another day and have it done……so I just had the other blood work done since I was already there.

It figures.

It was another one of those days. I have them ALOT. Why DO these things ALWAYS happen to ME? I am a living, walking, talking Murphy’s Law. I feel like a jinx.

F*ck My Life!

BadLuck(new) I can’t BELIEVE my bad luck. These things ALWAYS happen to me. I must be cursed. I am a living, breathing, walking, talking “Murphy’s Law'( “If anything can go wrong it will.”) I seriously think the universe is out to “get” me: yesterday my hubby and I went to the Indian restaurant for our combined late anniversary, my birthday and Valentine’s Day dinner but of course when we got there it was CLOSED,and it’s not closed every Tuesday, just yesterday, the time we went! Just my typical luck! Nothing EVER goes right for me! I was just soooo mad I screamed right there in the parking lot and I didn’t care who heard me,either! I had been looking forward to this for so long and I was sooo hungry too( I purposely hadn’t eaten since 10 am so I was starving so I stopped off at Burger King) It figures. Then, if that wasn’t bad enough we ran out of gas and were running on fumes and then we got stuck behind snowplows on the highway,too, and it took forever to get home!

To top it off, we also had to cancel our new Internet service provider( that we’ve only HAD for a few days!) and go back to our old one( which sucks) until we can get a new one(starting all over again) because they’d told us they’d increase our speed 3 times as fast up to 15 megabytes but then said they couldn’t afterall; that it wasn’t available here and that 5 megabytes is all we can get here; the classic “Bait and Switch” scam; false advertising, and yet another reason I hate living here in “Bumble- F*ck”(and in Canada) we don’t get ANYTHING here; this place sucks and we’re so limited and held back! Our oldest (in Calgary) says his is 10 megabytes and my hubby( who works in computers so he knows what he’s talking about) says the world average speed is 15 megabytes, and examples he gave are in Japan: 18 megabytes, South Korea: 35 megabytes, Sweden: 21 megabytes,and Latvia: 25 megabytes, so once again this shitty country is at the bottom like always , the lowest, behind, inferior, and half-assed.. I hate this place more and more each day, and every day I wake up and I’m still here I hate  it even more  and each day I wake up and I’m still here the more I hate my LIFE. I’ve GOT to get OUT of here. There’s nothing here for me.

The only funny thing that made me laugh was the 10 YR old said the 16 YR old has a secret weapon” in jiu-jitsu against his opponents: he farts in their faces. One bright light in an otherwise dark world. That kid can always make me laugh.

I hate my constant bad luck. I keep waiting for my “break” in life but it never comes. I just wish for once that things would work out the way they’re supposed to and that things would go right but they never do, at least not for me. I just wish I knew WHY though; am I being punished for something? Am I doing my Purgatory here on earth in my lifetime? Am I one of those “Suffering Souls?” Have I been cursed? Am I a jinx? Am I just incredibly unlucky? Am I being attacked by demons? Is it bad karma? Big things, little things, it doesn’t matter; nothing ever goes my way or works out for me and it never fails; I look forward to something and it never works out and I always end up disappointed yet I fall for it. Every time. If I didn’t I probably wouldn’t still be alive. I need some hope. I need something….