This is so weird: I must be really losing it: I was looking on my daily calendar I have on my computer and I noticed I’d had noted I’d had something checked off that I’d done on 19 September but then I thought to myself, Well, how can that be possible? It’s not even the 19th yet! That’s not until next week….am I in some sort of time warp, or what? and so I sat there for a few moments trying to comprehend this and I just sat there staring at the calendar and then it finally hit me, Oh, wait a minute….we’re already into the last week of September! The 19 was last week! Generally I don’t know what day it is(Like, What day is today, anyway? Is it Wednesday or Thursday?) but this has taken it to a whole new level. I’m such a space cadet. It was funny as well the 17 YR old had just walked in the door coming back from work and then she went out again(I presume to the corner store or something quick) which I wasn’t aware of…..only to walk right back in the door again less than 10 minutes later and when I asked Who is that? Who are all these people that keep coming thru our door? the 11 YR old said it was her and when I said she’d already came back he cracked, It’s The Second Coming.
My friend A (from Ottawa) his aunt(who is originally from Chile along with the rest of the family but she now lives in Ottawa) also turned 100 years old and the Ambassador of Chile came and visited her and brought her flowers and a commemorative plaque! How cool is that? She lives in a nursing home now and the poor woman’s so frail now she’s in a wheelchair with her head crooked to one side but I still remember her from over some 30 years ago, and she made the BEST turkey stuffing ever! We had Christmas dinner at their house one year and it was amazing. It was sad too how my friend told me how she had a Great Love once but he was killed in the war and after that she stayed a spinster. They always called her Tia, Spanish for Aunty.
Buddy’s lump under his eye also looks bigger again now, leading to me wonder if it might be an allergy or plugged sinus as if it was a tumour of some sort it wouldn’t keep getting bigger and smaller and then disappearing and then coming back and then getting smaller again and then bigger…..it would just stay there permanantly and keep growing bigger. I’m also trying bit by bit, piece by piece, to try and connect with the person I once was, the Old Me that was happy and knew how to laugh and smile and have fun, sort of like trying to find my Inner Child again in a way, to reconnect with who I was, who I used to be, who I miss and wish I was again in which feels like almost another life, ages ago, before all the traumas, before all the brokenness, before all the damage.
Now the 15 and 17 YR old are playing on my worries, anxieties,and fears as well by saying that the 19 YR old’s BF is a typical arrogant rich boy and that he’s not a nice or a good person and he’s just like all her other friends, implying good-looking, popular, mean, elitist, looking down on others less attractive or deemed less “worthy”, and bullying, the exact kind I can’t stand, the exact kind that tormented and bullied me in school, the exact way I did NOT raise my kids to be OR to hang out with and they also said that he doesn’t ‘let’ her be with her friends which concerns me and is a red-flag warning to posessive, controlling behaviour and an indication of future abusive behaviour/ domestic violence as they first isolate the victim.
I’ve only met him briefly, once, when he picked her up, only for a couple of minutes, but my hubby’s spent some time with him so I asked him what his impression was and all he said when I asked if there’s any actual truth to it or if they’re just trying to start drama and to make me worry was He’s, well…..different from us…. and when I asked how, different in what way, he goes, I don’t know….just….different… but knowing him that might just mean that he’s cultured, polite,and has manners or something,too, or maybe he’s just neater, or more ordered or something, less chaotic or messy as compared to us., in a good way…or, maybe the guys’ just normal and doesn’t come from a weird, crazy family like ours and he doesn’t know what to make of it ?Why do they keep doing things like this to me though? Why do they keep saying things they know will cause me panic, distress, worry, sleepless nights, anxiety attacks, and so on? it’s just not right,and it’s cruel, is what it is and I’m just left not ever knowing what’s true and what isn’t and even now the kids are older and away from home with their own lives I don’t stop worrying about them I just can’t do anything about it anymore to try and protect them and keep them safe(other than prayers)…..and that’s what really worries me. I don’t know what’s going on anymore.
So now I worry I may(assuming what I’ve been told is even true, that is…) have 2 kids that sell drugs and another in an unhealthy possibly abusive relationship on top of all the other shit in my life and stress. No wonder I have high BP and stomach ulcers!!