Dognapped!

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Last night My Boy was kidnapped! The 17 YR old said she’s been hearing mice in her room during the night scurrying around and it freaks her out and keeps her awake at night so she decided to “kidnap” Buddy out of my room(where he sleeps) during the night to catch the mice in her room. So, she(along with the help of the 15 YR old and my hubby) decided to try and sneak him out of my room during the night once I fell asleep. Their original attempt didn’t go so well; there’s no way he’d ever allow anyone to remove him physically while he was guarding me as I slept, plus I also had fallen asleep with my arm around him and he wouldn’t let anyone take him away from me without a fight, and at the very least he’d bark and growl and I’d wake up, so they had to get out the Big Guns and lure him away instead of trying to grab him.That’s dirty pool!! My hubby used the annoying squeaker that he knows he hates and blew on that….and he came charging out of my room, following the sound….and then they grabbed him and locked him in her room!

I later woke up not too long after, realized he was gone, and let him stay for awhile, realizing what they were doing, and opened up my bedroom door(which they had closed, I guess so I wouldn’t notice anything) so he could come back when he wanted….except they’d locked him in her room, but when I got up again at 5 am to go pee and I noticed he was still  gone I was like, OK, enough is enough, I’m going to get my dog and bring him back where he belongs,  so I picked the lock in seconds (because extractions are one of my specialties from my past; don’t ask why) and he was laying across the foot of her bed and he must have heard me as he didn’t bark and  his head had perked up and when he saw me his tail started wildly thumping and I picked him up and brought him back into my room with me where we snuggled in bed for another hour or so. His right eye(I  think the same eye that had the lump under it before) is swollen now as well, and it’s on the same side as his missing toe so maybe he hit it on the coffee table when he fell down the other day and it’s the dog equivalent of a black eye, or maybe it’s an insect bite, esp. as I did also see a wasp near him the other day and heard him yelp….

hippos10 My friend W (in Ottawa) also told me he saw hippo home decor (such as the one pictured here) at his Wal-Mart and he suggested I go to their site online and look….and  low and behold, there it was, and on sale, too, reduced from 21$ down to 15$ so I ordered it….

hippos11 along with this cool hippo mug as well. I don’t drink tea or coffee  but I can use it for other stuff,too, such as hot chocolate( in the winter) or to store pens and pencils in. Odd though is that they don’t deliver. They deliver to the closest Wal-Mart and I have to go to the store and pick it up, but they don’t deliver it to my house. I thought that was kind of weird. Just like when we first moved here we had to share taxis. I’d never seen that before. I also got a letter in the mail from the neurologist in Kingston informing me that my app’t the end of November has been changed to early November…..but the thing is I didn’t even knowhad that app’t! No one ever told me (he didn’t mail me a letter with the app’t date like he usually does) so it’s good it was switched otherwise I’d never have known.

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The 23 YR old also made some $$$$$ doing odd jobs so he went out and bought some new clothes, incl. the ones here. I think he looks like a pimp, ha, ha(and no, he’s NOT GAY in case you were wondering; he had a long-term GF for YRS). I like and admire his expressive style though and encourage it,being unique, just as long as it’s not against God ( such as girls’ not too short or revealing or any occult symbols,Goth, or anything like that) I just hope he doesn’t get beat up by some dumb redneck or something ! He’s always been a ham,too; a funny guy and a jokester as well as one of my faves. He’s one of the three I’ve always been closest to, at least when they were younger, but now none of them love me anymore. 😦

It was weird as well I was laying down and I felt like something was literally turning  around and churning in my belly but it wasn’t my stomach; it was lower down, in my abdomen, and it actually felt like when you’re prego and you can feel the baby kick for the first time and if I wasn’t 51, in menopause, and haven’t been laid in 12 years (since I got prego with the youngest) I’d even wonder if I was prego, esp. since my other symptoms are the same as while prego,too, incl. extreme fatigue, ravenous hunger, really sore lower back, no Aunt Flow in 14 weeks or so, nausea, headaches, weight gain… even though the absent period is due to menopause and the hunger and weight gain either because of my heavy weed use( ha,ha!) or side-effects of my medications,or maybe it’s the way it is with menopause… but in any case, my doctor ordered a pelvic ultrasound ( finally!) next month to try and find out the cause of my abdomenal pain which I still have on and off. Maybe my colon’s twisting or blocking or something, or the inflamed sacs are even popping or something?

 

Heart Scan.

scan1 Yesterday I had my CT heart scan. I also had to have the contrast dye thru the IV as seen here. The last time I had it for a scan I never had any problem; it just made me feel like I peed myself! They even had a cardiologist there during the test as well whereas you don’t usually get an actual doctor during scans; the technicians do it, and she gave me 2 sprays of nitroglycerin under my tongue to get better images as it dilates, or largens, the heart vessels, allowing for better imaging, but side-effects are it also widens all vessels, so your BP might plummet really low…. and….

scan2 ….after 5 minutes or so, maybe less, after I had the spray in my mouth( it tasted like a really sharp breath mint) I started to feel really…well…funny….I was all floppy and felt like a snowman that just melted and collapsed all at once into one giant swooshing puddle and they must have been able to tell by looking at me as they said, Are you ok?….. and as I felt my arms flop down from holding up over my head down to my sides and my head slump over to the left, I mumbled, I think I’m fading…. as it felt like sort of combination of when I’m going to pass-out and just before a seizure.

Then the same thing happened again right after they injected the contrast dye into my IV. At first I just felt a cold, wet sensation as the liquid coursed thru my veins and then the familiar feeling like I’d just wet myself, but then, also, I got this funny taste in my mouth and my throat felt funny, like swollen and hoarse I felt really restless and “floaty” and like I was going into another dimension, or into another frequency, sort of like how I go after weed, and I could feel myself “floating” and going towards the edge of consciousness, and have only vague recollections of it but I do remember them rushing around, sliding me out of the scanner, a cold hand resting on my forehead, a BP cuff on my arm, a voice which sounded distant, Are you still with us? so I came close to blacking out 2 times during the scan or perhaps I actually did…. So that was how I spent my morning.

It was also funny prepping for the scan the nurse asked me if there’s any chance that I might be pregnant and I laughed and replied, Good one! That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard in a long time! You do know I’m 51, right? and she said they have to ask every female aged 10-55 and I thought 10? are you f*cking kidding me? That’s sick! I also had to fill out this form and it asked when my last period was, if I use contraception, etc. and last one was 2 months ago, no, I never used contraceptives…I mean, c’mon, man, we have 11 kids   does it look like I believe in contraception?..…and then she asked how can I be so sure there’s no chance I’m not prego, You are married, aren’t you? she asks, and I assured her,that, yes, I am, and then she asked when’s the last time I did….you-know-what… and when I said  11 years ago….embarrassed and ashamed…I’m so undesirable even my own husband  is repelled by me and doesn’t want me… I couldn’t even describe the look on her face but then she said, Well, at least we know you’re definitely NOT pregnant!! and turned around and wrote something down in her chart.

It’s been really mild and nice here the past 2 weeks or so as well, even 10 C or even as high as 15 C  and pretty much all the snow has melted away but now they say winter’s coming back with a vengeance; this was just a little teaser for spring. I never “fall” for it anyway. Mother Nature is a bitch. We’re supposed to get lots of snow this week and March is supposed to be really bad; lots of snow and really cold; it will almost be like February and March reversed. It’s been bad in Europe recently as well with many countries getting buried in snow, incl. my cousins, who posted photos of the snow on their Facebook.

Not A Loser.

Screen Shot 04-12-17 at 07.36 PM Guess who’s not such a loser?(not that we ever thought that she was!) the 17 YR old announced as she triumphantly breezed into the room….she was accepted into the hard-to-get-in to writing course in Ottawa, the one she had to write the essays for the exam at University Of Ottawa! They said it would take 2 weeks to find out but they contacted her in just a week and said she’s been accepted; this is the one where she got 92 % and 95 % on her exams! Eeeeee! She’s just beyond thrilled, esp. after all the other universities had rejected her and she would have been feeling really down and discouraged, but this was the one that really mattered, that she most wanted, the writing/ journalism program, but that was also the hardest to get in to….but she did it! God had allowed all the other rejections first because this was the one she was meant for and that was waiting for her. She starts in the fall and will be moving back to Ottawa , and living there again, where she was born and lived until she was about 4.CONGRATS!

As well, my mother didn’t want me to have any of the chicken strips she’d picked up fresh at the grocery and said they’re for the people that don’t like subs, but I told her,  help pay for the groceries so I’m having chicken strips!  I picked up 2 pieces and left….and that was that. After I’d had my weed I also couldn’t remember whether or not I’d eaten my dinner yet and I was trying to figure out if I had but I deduced that I wasn’t hungry so either I had already eaten or either that or else I wasn’t hungry and in either case I didn’t need to eat either way. Weed is funny that way.When I’m high it sometimes reminds me of Mr. Bean!

I also experienced the definition of utter disppointment: I got The Munchies after my weed and I got this intense craving for a certain kind of ice cream and I knew we had it in the freezer so I eagerly anticipated it and went to grab some….but someone had eaten it and it was all gone and not there anymore…words couldn’t even begin to describe how….crestfallen I felt at that moment. It was truly a sad, tragic, and pathetic sight to behold.

The girls also somehow convinced the 10 YR old that if he uses the pink Wii U remote that he will “turn” gay and he refuses to use it, even when all the other controllers were missing with only that one left, and he wails, It’s for girls and I don’t want to turn gay! I told him that was the most ridiculous thing I’d ever heard and that it doesn’t work that way but he wasn’t having any of it and acted like it had cooties or something! I also heard someone said they love being prego as they love the connection and you never feel alone and that summed it up perfectly for me,too,I love being prego,too, and that’s what it’s always been about for me; wanting that connection, wanting to be loved,wanting to feel close to someone, a bond, not wanting to feel so alone….. that’s why I’m so grateful for my dog. He’s given me love and companionship like no other and no one else ever has ♥

The Baby.

Screen Shot 06-20-16 at 06.31 PM I had a dream last night that I had a baby, a girl( I am in the photo here prego with our youngest, who is now 9) which I know isn’t true since I’m still on “Aunt Flow”, plus at my age (49) the “plumbing” is now  broken and I’m too old for that shit now, but wouldn’t it be a “scream” it I ever DID have another baby though? There are worse things that could happen ,though; having cancer would be worse, having AIDS would be worse, being taken hostage by terrorists would be worse, being shot would be worse, etc…plus I couldn’t breast-feed anymore now since I’ve had the 2 breast reduction surgeries AND we’ve given  away all our baby stuff; all the baby clothing, cribs, car seats, playpen, etc. so we’d have to start all over again, and now the kids are older I’m practically “home-free” now  and I’m enjoying the idea of no more kids now and I can just take it easy and relax and enjoy things. It was just a dream, though, but it sure freaked me out just the same. I can’t even imagine…..

Screen Shot 06-20-16 at 07.14 PM Here is also the 15 YR old’s new manicure and I’m considering going and getting MY nails done now,too; I’ve never been to a nail salon before or had it done and it might be the “cure” I need for my nail-biting…. she also has this slushie cup that looks like a bong and it just cracks me up, esp. when she blows bubbles into it…..then I really start losing my shit….

BodhiAndKamarin and here is a sweet photo of the 21 YR old and his friend in California relaxing on the hammock. He comes back home Sunday and she returns with him and stays for the remainder of the summer. I just love this picture; it’s so cute,and you can just see the love in her eyes; the way she’s looking at him. I wish someone looked at me like that, too. We’re getting a big-ass storm rolling in any time now as well, incl. ping-pong-ball-sized hail and a tornado warning even came thru on the Emergency Broadcast network on the TV and I love a good thunderstorm at night when I’m snuggled in bed under my covers, but a tornado not so much….the 17 YR old was also laughing and having fun with her friends and it brought back happy nostalgic memories of my own teen YRS and I hope she cherishes these times and enjoys them now, and that she ponders them in her heart and keeps them as good memories to fondly look back on later, just as I did, and that now she realizes them for the happy times that they are and enjoys the moment.

 

The Paper Route.

PaperRoute The 12 and 14 YR olds were looking for ways to earn money and they thought of shovelling snow, panhandling, selling their used video games, etc. but finally came up with a paper route so they looked into it more and found a route where they have 70 flyers to deliver once a week, on Thursdays and they have to have them delivered by 5:30 pm. They have a specific route that they have to take that covers a few blocks and the flyers will be dropped off here at the house every Thursday morning and they were given a bundle-buggy to transport them. A lady came over for their first job interview and she explained what was expected and they’ll make 10$ a week which they divide in half so they each get 5$. I personally don’t think it’s worth it and think they’d make more shovelling snow,plus I think on days after a snowfall and the streets haven’t been plowed how are they going to get the bundle-buggy thru? What happens as well if they both happen to be sick or away(such as at camp in the summer) on a Thursday, what then?It will be interesting to see how it goes and how long it lasts….

As well, with the low Dollar the cost of food has also gone waaay up, esp. fresh produce such as fruits and vegetables, for example celery costs 4.00$(sometimes more) and a head of cauliflower 7.00$ so needless to say we’re NOT buying fresh produce anymore, and the medical marijuana clinic sent me a bill for the 200$ too even though I sent them a cheque 2 weeks ago so now I’m worried that it got lost or stolen in the mail….but is it possible for someone else(other than who it’s addressed to) to be able to cash it in? I hope not, 200$ is ALOT of $$$$$ for me….

I also have a friend in Brazil who’s 45 and she’s 5 months’ prego but she said she’s only going to keep the baby if it’s a boy; she won’t raise a girl; she doesn’t believe in abortion but she already has a 25 YR old daughter that hates her(due to her bipolar disorder; she blames her and hates her for it just like how MY family does to me) and is afraid that another girl would be the same so she said if it’s a girl she’s going to give it away to another family and is only going to keep it if it’s a boy which I find to be sad; the poor baby.

 

Baby Envy.

 There’s someone at our homeschooling group that just had baby # 10. For an instance I felt a slight twinge of baby envy; not that she’s “catching up” to me, but that I will never again get to experience having a sweet newborn. I love the baby stage, although the exhaustion of breast feeding and getting up during the night to feed not so much! I am also not up for all the doc’s app’ts(prenatal for me  and then for baby) or worry overs SIDS with each baby,either!

I am sad I will never experience it again; that it’s all over for me now(I’ll be 45 in a few months) but at the same time I also know it’s for the best,too: I am high risk(I was even before but now I’m older it’s only increased) plus 90% chance my liver disorder will recur(and the baby might NOT be so lucky next time!) and the high chance of having a baby with chromosomal defects, and I have high BP anyway, and physically I’m not “up” for the demands and exhaustion of another baby anymore, even though it also saddens me at the same time and I have fond nostalgic memories of it and will miss it.

Besides, my last baby(now age 4) was a very difficult baby(and he still IS!) he cried alot and was hard to feed and was fussy and difficult. Now he’s an unholy terror and I’d be afraid of having another one like him! All in all, an era has ended and it makes me sad to see others still having babies when I’m done, but I know it’s better this way as well and have come to accept that now, even thought it was hard and did take awhile to get to that point. Afterall, I did have 11 kids and spend a great deal of my adult life either prego or with a new baby, so it feels kind of “empty” and weird now without it. A new chapter in my life has now begun and I have to redefine my role and my place in life.

Baby envy.

I know of a few people who are pregnant(incl. my cousin’s wife) and I have been feeling a case of baby envy lately, even though I also know that it’s best for me now that my baby-making days are over, esp. given my age(I’m 43), the complications(Obstetric Cholestasis) I had with my last baby 3 years ago, and the fact that physically and emotionally I’m just NOT “up” for another baby anymore; I just couldn’t handle the demand anymore and it is too high risk as well,given my complications,and the high chance of Down Syndrome,etc. with my age.Not to mention the exhaustion of nursing and getting up during the night for feedings, and the anxiety and worry that always goes along with having a baby, and the numerous trips for immunizations,etc.it’s just all too much now. I still have nostalgic memories of being prego though and the wonderful newborn period(even though my labours aren’t so great!) and I miss the fact that I will never experience it ever again. It was a big part of who I am and how I defined myself,and I was practically ALWAYS either prego for nursing for the most part of 18 years! My oldest will be 21 this year and I honestly don’t know what to “do” with myself now it’s over and I still feel a twinge of sad envy when I hear or see others that can still have babies, that still have it ahead of them and for me it’s over now. I feel like a dried up withered old plant,and it makes me feel old and “broken”.It was a big part of my life,and my identity and now it’s gone.It feels “empty” now,like the end of an era. I HAVE accepted that chapter in my life is over now and it’s for the best and I’m better off like this, but it’s still sad to see something you’ve loved and enjoyed and that was a big part of your life come to an end but nothing lasts forever and everything has to come to an end eventually,so now when I see “pregos” and babies instead of thinking what I’m missing, I concentrate on all the other things I’ll no longer have to WORRY about,so it takes the sting out of it a bit and makes the loss a bit easier to bear.