Pumpkin Cookies.

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1 cup butter, room temperature
1/2 cup sugar…
1/2 cup firmly packed brown sugar
1 cup canned pumpkin
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 cups flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
2 teaspoons cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon salt

Penuche Glaze
3 tablespoons butter
1/2 cup firmly packed dark brown sugar
1/4 cup milk
1 1/2-2 cups confectioners’ sugar

Directions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Have ready some ungreased baking sheets.
In a large mixing bowl, cream butter and the sugars together until light and fluffy.
Blend in pumpkin, egg and vanilla extract.
In separate bowl, stir together flour, baking soda, baking powder, cinnamon and salt.
Mix flour mixture into butter-sugar mixture.
Drop tablespoonfuls 3 inches apart on ungreased baking sheets.
Bake the cookies for 10-12 minutes until golden around the edges.
Remove warm cookies and transfer to racks.
Let cool completely for a least one half hour, then frost with glaze.

For Glaze:.
In a medium saucepan, heat butter and brown sugar over medium heat until bubbly. Cook, stirring constantly, for one minute or until slightly thickened. Beat in the milk. Blend in confectioner’s sugar until the glaze is smooth and spreadable. Using a silicone basting brush, which I love and use religiously now, or a butter knife to spread glaze on cookies is the best tip.

Shirley Fall.

Screenshot_692 It is surely fall. This is what I woke up to yesterday morning. Yes, that’s right, it was below freezing!  When I took Buddy out for his early morning walk we froze our asses off. I put his warm wool sweater on him and I had to wear my heavy wool sweater, hat and mitts! I also finally took the A/C out of my window the other day as the cold wind blowing thru the cracks made my bedroom freezing cold during the night and last night I still even had to have my little heater on in my room and the furnace even came on for the first time too! It’s officially fall now,and you can tell it looks and feels like it now, all dull, cold, windy, rainy, with coloured leaves all over and you can smell and fell a briskness and chill in the air.

Winter is coming!

Screenshot_693 Another sign of fall: now I’m wearing leggings and thick warm socks. No more shaving my legs or nail polish on my toenails anymore now until spring.My legs hibernate over the winter. I wish I could,too.

Screenshot_694 Look! Pumpkin cheesecake! We had this for our Sunday dessert yesterday. It was just so good, it was beyond words.It’s a good thing it wasn’t a Weed Day or else I probably would have eaten the whole thing. In church yesterday there was also this guy sitting in front of me who had this tattoo on the back of his neck and I spent the entire time trying to figure out what it said but I never could as the script wasn’t in English and usually I’m pretty good with languages but I couldn’t figure this out and didn’t even recognize it what language it was, the letters look almost inverted, reversed and upside down, so maybe it was some sort of gang symbolism or something, I don’t know….it was almost like some sort of secret code and I spent the entire hour trying to figure it out. It doesn’t take much to amuse me, ha,ha.

My hubby and the girls were making fun of me as well as I got the A-B-C order mixed up and thought M came before L and that I always have to recite the Alphabet Song to remember and figure out which letter comes next and they laugh at me and call me stupid even though I have White Matter Decline(which is similar to Alzheimer’s but affects a different part of the brain) and can’t help it, but they like to say it’s because I’m a pothead, because then they can blame me for it and make me look bad,shame me, and say it’s my own dumb fault, and they’re always talking about Satan’s Day (Halloween) around me,too, purposely knowing it gets me upset as I don’t want anything to do with the occult and I avoid it and then they mock and ridicule me for my religious faith and obedience(to stay away from anything occult) but I just ignore them, don’t give them the satisfaction, and just consider where it comes from.It doesn’t even deserve the dignity of a reply.I just pretend I don’t even hear them or just walk away. I care more about what God thinks(and thinks of me) than what they think,anyway.

Pizza Man.

Screenshot_497 They say You are what you eat and the 11 YR old (pictured here) loves pizza. I mean ,he loves it more than life itself. He loves it like how I love chocolate and pumpkin spice.At Wal-Mart he saw this and it was perfect for him. Pizza Man. It’s the funniest thing ever and so fitting.  I had another emotional breakdown sort of thing again last night as well: I was cuddling Buddy laying on my bed before bedtime and looking at him grateful for him and realizing how much I love him and am so happy he’s in my life and the tears just started to flow I just got so emotional so I don’t know if it’s just my bipolar again or maybe I’m being hormonal from menopause like I used to get during Aunt Flow and when I was prego. I notice it happens frequently lately though; I get so emotional and just start bawling over nothing. It’s so weird.

Buddy also is so smart even he (like the kids) tricks me and takes advantage of my failing mind and forgetfulness as well: he’ll try and “sneak” extra walks in, hoping I’ll forget that I just took him out, trying to convince me it’s time for another walk and indicate he wants to go out,hoping I’ll forget that we just did. Sneaky and under-handed, but smart.

Screenshot_528 The 17 YR old also got me this: pumpkin spice egg-nog! She works at the grocery store and saw a customer buy it so she got one too. I had to take my lactose pills though first otherwise in 8 hours I’d be sorry. It’s creamy , smooth and good, and tastes sort of like a pumpkin milkshake. I’ve never seen it before though so I think it must be something new. It’s really weird when you think about it though: pumpkin is really actually a vegetable , like a squash, not a fruit and here we are putting it in all kinds of dessert foods like cake, muffins, ice cream, drinks, cereal, etc. Maybe it’s like tomatoes; they’re actually fruit but they have an identity crisis and they think they’re vegetables and they even hang out in the garden with all the other vegetables instead of on the trees or vines with the other fruits!

My mother also got mad and yelled at me (but not at my hubby, of course, even though we were both yelling at eachother) saying she hates it that we’re always fighting about sports as I was watching the news and had the sports parts muted as I don’t watch it and then he un-mutes it even though he doesn’t even normally watch the news; he just comes in and takes over like he’s the king or something…….. or he just does it to piss me off…….. and then when I said, BOTH my mother and I don’t like it, don’t watch it,and mute it, so it’s 2 against one…..what happened to majority rules? so then she had the nerve to smirk, Well, then, in that case I abstain… just so I wouldn’t win(she even goes out of her way to get me riled up, make me upset, make me look bad, or make me lose out) knowing if it’s 1 against 1 and if it’s just between me and him he’ll always get his way as I never over-rule anyone because I’m nobody and hold no power or influence.  Because she’s a  spiteful controlling bitch like that. Then when I asked her why she always sucks up to him, kisses his ass, and takes his side all the time and never mine she coos, Because  you’re always WRONG!

and they wonder why I hate my life and my family?

Why does she hate me so much,anyway?

Dying.

Screenshot_493 Poor Sunny the sunflower is dying. Parts are turning yellow now and the leaves are getting some sort of rot on them now, some kind of blemish or blight, and are drying up and dying…..and it just ever stayed a plant and never did produce a flower; never did blossom. Just like me.  Living a hard life of struggle all for nothing and even right to the end never producing any fruits. I wonder if it might also be symbolic,too: it’s dying now and maybe I am,too? Maybe it’s like we live sort of parallel lives and we’re both drying up, withering away,and dying together? Both dying before we ever got a chance to bloom. At least between my Pap test and my ultrasound next month if I really do have reproductive or rectal cancer or something( which would explain my symptoms) they should find something….

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The kids also got me these amazing pumpkin spice Cheerios because they know other than chocolate that pumpkin spice is my all-time fave. and I love all things pumpkin spice because I am a Basic White Girl like that( although on the inside I’m really actually more Black, but that’s for another post later). When I reacted joyfully and shrieked, Oooohh!!! Hallelujah! Praise Jesus! of course they all tired to take credit for being the one that bought it. Either way, it’s just sooooo good, perfect for snacking on dry, and this makes up for when they took my iPodThey have redeemed themselves.

Until next time.

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I was also going thru some old photos the other day for Throwback Thursday and I found this one, which is one of my faves of the 15 YR old and I 5 years ago when she was 10. This was back when she used to still love me and let me love her back, back when we used to be really close. Before she grew up and got older and distanced herself from me and pushed me out of her life. When she did it left this big empty hole inside of me, a loss and void  and then Buddy came along and filled it. I love this picture as it reminds me of what we once had, of a happier time, of what I wish I still had, and wish I could get back again. I’ll still always love her; I’m just not “allowed” to express it anymore.

The lump under Buddy’s eye finally popped as well! It was a big, hard, round lump like a pea and it had a big “head” on it like a pimple and he was cuddling with me,looking at me with a sad, pleading, Please help me! look on his face, so I squeezed it and it popped. He did flinch , wince,and yelp slightly, but he didn’t try and bite, wiggle, or escape; it’s like he knew I was helping him even if it hurt. I was able to squeeze out lots of fluid, which was a transparent yellow/orange colour and had a slight metallic odour. Then it went all the way down and deflated but it must have still been itchy as he kept rubbing it against my leg, on the carpet, and scratching it…..but then scratching it he also tore it apart and made this big gash and it split open and when I tried to put a Band-Aid on it he kept running away and was mad at me but I was still able to put antibiotic cream on it and at least on his face he can’t lick it off! I guess it must have been some sort of cyst or boil then being fluid-filled as tumours are solid masses….

I also notice too my own cuts and sores used to heal in just days but lately they take 2-3 weeks so my immune sysyem must be shot, but I also read somewhere if wounds are slow healing it can be an indication you have hemophilia, a blood-clotting disorder. Only males actually have it but females can be carriers, so it makes me wonder, esp. since I do always have really heavy periods and bad hemmoraging with every baby I’ve had at birth and I always need medication to help control the bleeding plus extra monitoring and longer time in the recovery room because I just won’t stop bleeding and I remember when they took that polyp off my colon they called it a real bleeder and said that was unusual and they had to put a clip on it to stop the heavy bleeding as well which they don’t usually do so it does make you wonder, esp. with my inherited Alpha-1 antitrypsan deficiency it makes me wonder what other genetic issues I may also have,too…..

As for Trump nominating a guy to the Supreme Court being accused to sexual assault back as a teen, my thoughts are simply this: I have no way of knowing who’s telling the truth; him or her, but I think the only thing worse than a guilty person getting away is an innocent person being wrongly accused and ruined so I just hope that the truth prevails and is revealed, whatever it may be.

Pumpkin Cheese Bread!

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INGREDIENTS
  • Batter:
  • 1-1/2 c. pureed pumpkin
  • ½ c. unsweetened applesauce
  • 1 whole egg
  • 3 egg whites
  • 1 c. all-purpose flour
  • ⅔ c. whole wheat flour
  • ½ c. Stevia Cup For Cup sweetener
  • ½ c. granulated sugar1 t. baking soda
  • ½ t. ground cinnamon1/2 t. ground nutmeg
  • Cream filling:
  • 8 oz. reduced fat cream cheese
  • ¼ c. granulated sugar
  • 1 T. all-purpose flour
  • 2 egg whites
  • 1 t. vanilla extract
INSTRUCTIONS
  1. For the Batter: With an electric mixer, beat the pumpkin, applesauce, egg, and egg whites on medium speed until smooth. In a separate bowl, combine the flours, Stevia, sugar, baking soda, cinnamon and nutmeg. Slowly mix the flour mixture into the pumpkin mixture.
  2. For the cream cheese filling: Beat the cream cheese, sugar, vanilla, egg whites and flour until creamy and smooth.
  3. Grease 2 8x4x2″ loaf pans. Divide half of the batter between the two pans. Pour half of the filling in one pan and the other half in the second pan and smooth with the back of a spoon. Top with the remaining batter.
  4. Bake in a 350 degree oven for about 40 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted comes out clean. Don’t overbake or your bread will be dry on the edges. Cool and remove from pans. Store in the refrigerator in an airtight container.

Wow! What A Storm!

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I know that generally fall begins on the 21st but this year it begins today on the 22nd, making yesterday the last official day of summer and boy was it ever a hot humid stormy one! It was so thick, muggy,and humid it felt like 37 C and thunderstorms( and it was a series of storm cells,too, not just one, as it lasted for hours) with wind so bad, it got to 100 KM/HR at one point it was loudly banging and rattling on the windows and it honestly sounded like someone was trying to break in. It was quite scary,actually, and it freaked out poor Buddy; he kept barking at it, thinking there was a threat. The 19 YR old away at school in Ottawa even had a tornado warning and was told to seek immediate shelter!

Holy f*ck!

The thunder was sooooo loud as well it woke everyone up in the middle of the night all except for my hubby ( who has also slept right thru a blaring fire alarm and an earthquake before!!) and the 11 YR old but it sure woke up the rest of us! It was so loud it shook my entire room and the sound was this tremendous bang! when I was jolted awake at first I thought, What the f*ck was that? and I’d wondered if a plane might have crashed somewhere nearby or perhaps there was a car accident or something and then when the lightening lit up the entire room I knew what it was, Oh….ok, it’s just a bad storm…. but poor Buddy was going ape-shit; he ran and hid under the bed, scared shit-less and then he realized he needed more comfort so he hopped back into bed with me and snuggled as close to me as he possibly could,trembling and shaking, and I snuggled him close to me and comforted him.

Our Internet was also off for several HRS and our power kept going off during the night and my radio went off 3-4 times. Power is still out in some parts of town, trees are down, and in a nearby town lightening even hit a house, blew the power box right off the wall, set the house on fire and it burned right to the ground! I can still remember whent hat happened to our family cottage when I was a little kid: during the off-season it was hit by lightening and burned to the ground and I was esp. upset as I’d left my toy Snoopy there and it sadly perished in the fire.

Screenshot_459 But there was also this: DQ pumpkin Blizzard! Isn’t it just glorious? I’m feeling really bad with my virus as well, just so run-down tired, actually more run over is more like it, and then backed over again.From what I can remember the last time I felt this tired was when I was prego and when my liver was failing. I also have a stiff, sore neck, a headache that won’t go away, and a really sore lower back. I’m a broken down old jalopy that needs an over haul. Time to go in to the shop for some serious repairs.

Summer And Fall.

Screenshot_411 It’s still feeling like summer even though it looks like fall and we still have a week still officially left of summer. For the last weekend of summer yesterday I think was the hottest day yet. Now the 17 YR old, 15 YR old, and 11 YR old are all sick with the virus I dubbed the Papa Plague since he was the first one to have it and to infect everyone else. Even Buddy’s sick,too: he hasn’t eaten all day, feels warm with fever and barfed once. I also have this recurring dream lately that I’m going on a plane again sometime soon but have no idea where so I wonder if a trip is coming up? One of my cousins(who’s in his late 30’s/ early 40’s and has a son in grade 7) who lives farther up North also said he’s lost several friends to drug over-doses; it’s become a real problem recently.

Screenshot_386 This is also the fall decor I put up on the balcony on the third floor. It’s a scarecrow and leaves garland. I also put up the fall wreaths in the window and on the door. My sunflower still shows no signs of any flower and other sunflowers are seeding and dying now and it reminds me of myself and my life: always waiting, hoping, trying, putting in an effort, but get nothing in the end and it all ends up all for nothing. I’m pretty sure that’s how this is going to play out too, just like pretty well everything else in my life I attempt. It’s been 6 months since I planted it and every day I diligently water it and put it out in the sun; I even talk to it (Hello there, Sunny-Boy! How are you today?) and my mother laughs at me I’m wasting my time but I keep hoping and I keep trying….likely all for no results in the end, no outcome, no reward in the end. No happy ending. No success..The story of my life.

Screenshot_387 The 17 YR old also went to Tim Horton’s and brought the 15 YR old back a hot chocolate for her sore throat…..and brought me back this: a pumpkin spice iced capp! Even though I don’t like and don’t drink coffee, with all the cream and other flavours I don’t even taste the coffee. At first I wasn’t sure what flavour it was supposed to be but it didn’t taste like pumpkin, but more like a caramel cream but it was still good. I have to say I was really surprised she brought it for me though, she never brings me anything,and,in fact, of all the kids she’s the one that’s usually the meanest to me, the most mouthy, disrespectful, hurtful, insulting, etc. so to have her suddenly out of nowhere do something nice for me like that was, well…..really nice and I really appreciated it. It really made my day.

In church yesterday they also had sunflowers, lots of them, in 2 big vases on the altar and so I figure, this has  to be some sort of sign for me, an answer to some prayer…..but to what? Which one? Is God possibly trying to tell me something? I’m also in the Manic phase of my bipolar now so the anxiety is running extra high, I’m running on fast-forward, my mind is racing a thousand miles an HR, I’m jittery, and having trouble sleeping and lay awake until well into the night,and I know eventually I’m going to crash and sink down to the depression phase in not too long.

My friend I (from grade 8) also keeps posting for us to support her ( she works for Canada Post) during the mail strike they hope to have soon and I replied, That’s what couriers are for and she replied sarcastically, Thanks for your support  but like I told her, not everyone supports and agrees with a postal strike,and as a consumer I’m going to go with whoever can provide the services I need and if Canada Post can’t deliver then I’ll find someone else that will. It’s that simple.