 I’m tired of my blog being monitored, censored, edited, and deleted by assholes in my shitty family, most likely my hubby, since I know for a fact that he does monitor everyone’s Internet activity, incl. getting copies of everything of everyone’s e-mail , plus he’s in the computer business and can go thru backdoors and hack in and get around passwords and other security measures to access accounts and censor ,alter,and delete stuff so I suspect it’s most likely him doing it, always trying to exert power, dominance, control and “punishment” over me, but he’s also taught the kids how to hack as well so it could be any of them, but regardless it makes me feel violated, betrayed, under siege, threatened, unsafe, and angry, so this will be my last post on this blog.
I’m sick and tired of my toxic family and their sabotage and I’m taking away this opportunity for them to destroy something I love so in order to protect it I’m going to let it go. Anyone that matters still will find a way to keep in touch and be able to find me. My family follows this blog, knows about it,tries to censor and limit what I say, interfere,and I don’t feel like I have free speech so I have to find another secret outlet where I can freely speak my mind and express myself that they won’t know about.They’re never going to shut me up or control me. It’s sad though as I’ve been dedicating myself 10 years to this blog and I enjoy it, put alot of work, time and effort into it and really enjoyed it, but once again my toxic family has ruined something else for me.
 So I leave you with these last final thoughts:
Thanx for reading.
Check out my new blog”
 My friend F (from grade 6) sent me this riddle the other night and of course it confused the hell out of me as I can’t do math and I can’t do riddles or puzzles. So then he decided to try posting it up on his Facebook to see if anyone else could figure it out and no one else could either(so I didn’t feel so dumb) and it turned out that only his own daughter(who is now in her first year taking engineering at the University of Toronto) was able to correctly solve it. He himself is also good at stuff like this because he’s an accountant and really smart, plus, he’s Chinese, and well, let’s face it, they just seem to naturally be smart at math.I, however, am the opposite, and I’m convinced that I must be missing the part of my brain that does math although my MRI results have never officially mentioned anything.
 My poor sunflower is also dying. All the leaves are now brown, shrivelled up, dry, and crispy. As you can see it finally has the bud but we’ve hardly had much sun lately even though I do leave it in the window in the diningroom where we get the most sunlight( it’s too cold to put it outside anymore, and we’re supposed to get 10-15 cm snow today and tomorrow too….boo…) and it’s also the room(as well as the livingroom) that has 8-10 feet ceiling, big enough for it, I’m thinking it’ll die before the bud ever has a chance to open, to blossom, to bloom; all for nothing.It got so close,almost there, and then dies just before it can open. Just like me. Dying before I ever got a chance to blossom, to shine, to achieve anything, to succeed, to be beautiful, to be happy, to find love,to have my moment in the sun,to live. I’ve always played by the rules, tried to do the right thing, tried to be a good person,been obedient to God, but all for nothing. Where has it gotten me? If this doesn’t sum up my life I don’t know what does.
 Yesterday I had half a headache. Well, not really half a headache but rather a full headache but it was oddly only on one half of my head! I don’t ever remember having one like this ever before, where it’s only one one side; I normally have it all over but this one was weird, just on the left side.It wasn’t a migraine or anything; just a headache, but it actually felt like my head had been divided clearly into 2 halves and divided down the middle and sectioned off so that the headache was contained just on the left side and the right side was totally unaffected. It was the weirdest thing and after I took pills it did go away….but then my abdomenal pain was back(and I’m still bleeding a bit,too) so it’s always something. I don’t think I’ve had a pain-free day in I don’t know how long.
 My hubby.
 That, and laundry.
 F*ck, I’m feeling really, really shitty now. My abdomenal pain is so bad now I’d rate it a solid 8 out of 10 on the pain scale, plus I also have bad cramps, the bad sore back(as always), tired, swollen, achy legs(and so bloated I look like a Puffer fish) and I feel nauseated and sick and just so…..ugh…. I’m bleeding a bit again,too, and I don’t know whether or not it’s a bit of Aunt Flow (which I last had in early June) even though I seem to be in menopause now, or more abnormal bleeding, and yesterday it was so bad and I felt so sick I practically slept most of the day and I took a Tramadol; I still have 5 or so left I keep saved for an emergency; when the pain gets so bad I can’t bear it anymore. I have it pretty much daily now, it’s a constant thing, but some days are better, others worse,now it’s gotten to a point where it’s just a daily chronic thing, and I couldn’t even go to church yesterday I was in such bad shape; I know there’s no way I could stand, or even sit, that long,and my mother said, You know it must be bad if you don’t even go to church!