I am heavy-hearted, shocked, stunned, sickened, and saddened to hear that the 9 Lev Tahor members ( 3 adults and 6 children) that had fled this country last week to escape religious persecution by the authorities and a court order to apprehend 14 children in their ultra-orthodox Jewish community and went to Trinidad have been forced to return and their children have been seized by the State! As unbelievable as it sounds just when they thought it was safe( as they had left the country) they were detained by immigration in Trinidad at the request of Canadian authorities ( what authority Canada has over Trinidad I have no idea) even though they should have let them continue on to Guatemala(their destination and where the other fleeing families arrived safely) and then the Canadian officials flew up there and forced them BACK, against their will, accompanied them on the plane and met other officials at the airport and seized the kids a soon as they landed! How the Hell could they have been able to DO that….and how is that even legal(esp. when it’s all just accusations; nothing’s been proven in court and they haven’t been convicted of anything)? You’d think once they left the country they’d have been safe….but once Child Protection has it’s hooks in you they never let you go( obviously) and they even chase you and hunt you down in other countries and drag you back! By GOD that’s terrifying! It’s downright CHILLING how far they go and how little freedom families have here!
What’s even more is that none of them are even Canadian citizens or hold Canadian passports; they’re Israeli and American citizens so by what authority do they even HAVE over them, to seize their passports or to cross borders, extradite and apprehend them? People obviously aren’t free to be different or to practice religion or to raise or educate their kids outside the system in this country without being unfairly accused and targeted and attacked in this country and the only way to be safe and free is to leave the country…or so you’d THINK….now they even come after you when you *leave*, too, what a fascist Police State! Just when I thought I couldn’t possibly hate it any more here; if this country was a house I’d burn it down! I know of several homeschooling families, in fact, who have been persecuted to such an extreme that they’ve had to flee their cities or towns, even their provinces, and in some cases even the country, to escape gov’t persecution, which is why we lay low, below the “radar” and stay off the “grid” and stay “underground” and don’t advertise or expose ourselves. I can’t even imagine how traumatized those poor kids must be in foster care,too: with total strangers, away from their religion, their culture, their language( they speak Yiddish) forced into Public school, away from their families and community and everything and everyone they know. The damage will be irrepairable.Their lives will be destroyed,and for what? Even up to this point being under State scrutiny and monitoring and just living under the threat of being removed they’ve had nightmares and woken up screaming.Some things can never be undone. I just hope with the next court hearing in April that they’re returned to their families and that next time they can successfully get out of this shithole of a country without being found. No one should have to live like that.
As well, a 5 YR old who’s had brain cancer for the past 4 YRS and I’ve been praying for right from the start is dying and is now in his final days and it just breaks my heart, as does the news of the missing( and presumed crashed or bombed; personally I think it was a terrorist bombing) Malaysian plane with over 200 people on board,and it’s just so sad…..all those people… and all with families that love them, and it’s too much sadness I can hardly bear it and I’m having a really hard time dealing with all,it’s so overwhelming, and the 16 YR old scoffed why should I care so much and why should it bother me so much since I don’t even know them, but I DO care, it’s just so tragic, and it’s just so much hurt, pain, sadness,and grief to process all at once and my heart is so heavy right now.
The other day I felt exposed and felt phony, like a fraud. Someone assumed something about me that wasn’t true and when it came out not to be true I was embarrassed and felt inferior and like I was trying to be someone that I’m not even though I didn’t purposely misrepresent myself but I came across looking and feeling stupid even though it was their own misunderstanding. I DO wish I was someone else though, someone else more interesting, more impressive, more exotic, more alluring, more intelligent, more sophisticated, and so on. Other than travelling the world I haven’t really done anything exciting or interesting and I’m boring and milquetoast. I’m not smart,interesting, or exciting and I just want people to like me, to admire me, to think I’m interesting and worth getting to know….but I’m not. I have nothing to offer and there’s so much in my family(dark secrets, relatives we don’t talk about and such) and in my background that I always have to hide and keep secret( being molested by a relative, the abuse( my grandfather was brutally physically abused by his father, I was abused), traumas that are too personal to share, certain relatives such as the drunkards, the crazies, the mobsters, the terrorists, the inbreeding,and so on that I always have to re-invent myself in order to cover up certain things , to protect myself, to guard my heart, to survive, to be safe, to escape myself, to try and stay sane,to save embarrassment and shame, and to run away from myself. I also hate this country(and living in this country) so much someone should burn this place to the ground.
As well, today is a day that always reminds me of a certain circumstance in my life several YRS ago that brought great discord and trauma into our family and that tore us apart and that my hubby has always blamed me for, hated me for,and will never forgive me for( and no, it’s not an abortion or anything like that; I would NEVER!) too personal to share but suffice it to say that it still haunts me to this day and I will live with for the rest of my life. I don’t regret it though as it was best for everyone but that’s not to say that I don’t regret the *situation* as a whole and that I still don’t feel guilty about it. He thinks that I just washed my hands of it and never looked back (because I don’t talk about it since we’d just fight) and that it does’t even bother me but I still think about it every day, pray about it and wonder, and it weighs heavily on my heart. It is the cross that I will always bear, and a canker that eats away inside of me that I will always silently carry alone.