January 28, 2012
Piece Of Shit.
For the past week I have noticed a decline in my computer. First it started where every site was slow loading(2-3min each) some worse than others. Then certain sites wouldn’t load at ALL (or partly) and I got messages such as “Website not found” “File not found” “Cannot reach server” “No data received” “Microsoft error reporting”, etc. It increasingly got worse over the week. Yesterday was the worst(and of course it was when my hubby was out of town and not here to fix it): I could only get 4 sites and nothing else, one of the sites I could get on the 8 YR old’s computer but not the others, then shortly even that one was down, too, then it worked on mine for a bit and then it didn’t…..and then ALL the kids computers were down as well!
I KNEW we had a serious problem and I’ve been telling my hubby(who happens to BE a computer systems analyst admin.) that for the past week but he just dismissed it as just MY computer(therefore not important)and ignored it. I kept telling him there was a problem but anything I say is just ignored and dismissed because I’m stupid and don’t know anything anyway. He also said HIS computer was fine and that was all that mattered….until it happened to all the kids’ computers as well(and they practically revolted!) so he FINALLY (after a WEEK of my imploring him) called the Internet service provider….and sure enough they said they have been upgrading for the past WEEK and shutting down servers, so it interrupted our service. I KNEW it wasn’t right and we weren’t getting the service we should.Hopefully now it will be ok (I think they gave us a “boost” as well)as it was soooo frustrating!
As well, the 17 YR old(the one that tells me I’M “ignorant in everything.”) said he just wants to get welfare once finished high school and not have to go to post secondary or work and be able to sit home and play his computer games all day but this is NOT acceptable! He HAS to get a further education and a decent job. He will NOT be allowed to waste his life away and be content with being a welfare bum. He certainly won’t be living HERE doing that; he’ll have to get a room somewhere or live under a bridge in a cardboard box like a troll. My hubby doesn’t care and shrugs if that’s the life he wants so be it, but I don’t find it acceptable. I can’t even imagine that’s all he wants out of life and has no interests, goals and is so aimless.It really concerns me!
It’s sad as well to hear Demi Moore is in rehab and has been acting like an eternal teenager; taking drugs, dressing like a teen and a whore and partying with her daughters in their 20′s, picking up young men in bars, etc. it’s disgusting as well as sad, it’s like she won’t accept getting older(she’s 49) and is desperately trying to be young again.I can understand though(although not the drugs and whore part) wanting to recapture your youth and struggling with getting older. It is sad that she’s sunk down this low and is now in rehab.
We also had a weird day yesterday: freezing rain, then rain, then light snow, complete with big fluffy flakes. We’re supposed to get blowing snow today. I hope so; it’s like we’ve hardly even HAD winter yet and it’s almost Feb! Hubby also found a 70′s theme murder mystery dinner that serves vegetarian food so we got tickets for it. It looks like fun and I remember going to one several years ago.
January 27, 2012
The Totem Pole.
We found this awesome wooden 4-5 foot totem pole in the church dump the other day and brought it home. It has detailed carvings and was made in 1955. I don’t know why they’d throw it out! This is an actual photo I took of it. I had trouble figuring out the camera mode(and of course no one was here to help me) and when I pushed buttons and finally took a picture I tripped over a chair(yes, clumsiness and un co-ordination IS common in Asperger’s and BOTH my mother and I have it) and dropped the camera on the floor and it broke, but luckily was ok in a few minutes but I was shitting bricks, afraid my hubby would freak out, esp. since I DID kill his last camera when I fell into the Caribbean sea off a sailboat with the camera strapped around my neck!
My hubby also lost his DS and he’s worse than the kids; always losing everything; his car keys, pager, wallet, cell phone, etc. he’s an inept fop and it’s so off-putting and he also screamed at me I’m useless and “can’t do anything” because I have a hard time waking up the lazy teens but he’s such as asshole and I’m just so tired of always being dumped on and wish I was dead; he’s supposed to build me up, NOT tear me down, and him and my mother are the ones that are supposed to love me the most but treat me the worst and make me feel like an abject failure , happiness always eludes me, and I’m irrepairably broken.
I also had a dream I should move to Singapore and it might not be a bad idea and seems like a nice place I could be happy in. I’ve always hated it here and Singapore is conservative;not immoral and permissive like here, has one of the lowest crime rates(due to strict laws) in the world, is highly urban and big-city,is multi-cultural, exotic, has a nice climate and they speak English. My hubby couldn’t be such a loser there either since if you spit on the sidewalk they fine you 200$! Might not be a bad idea; maybe I should go on a trip there and check it out sometime? The 4 YR old also steals the other kids’ toys and hides them under his desk. I am seriously concerned about his behaviour but of course my concern is just dismissed by my mother and hubby because nothing *I* say is ever credible or worth listening to or taking seriously. Shit.
January 26, 2012
I Still Miss My Chihuahuas.
I still miss the Chihuahuas of my youth. I had them from age 12 to age 22, for a total of 9 of them over the YRS. They remind me of a happy time, a time I miss and wish I could go back to. My Chihuahuas, unlike our more recent Pugs and Shih Tzus, were actually well behaved and weren’t a nuisance.
I wish I could get another Chihuahua again, like re-living, recreating,and re-enacting that happy time. My hubby forbids any more pets(at least until the kids are all grown and moved out anyway) as they are always so much trouble; destructive, ill-tempered and nasty, smelly, noisy and messy. The kids miss having a dog too and still miss the dogs we got rid of last March and still even play “dog.” I know more pets probably isn’t a good idea, and something always goes wrong, we get the rotten or crazy ones, and it never works out or lasts for long but it was different with the Chihuahuas and I have better memories associated with them. Nevertheless, I’ll likely have to accept the fact just like with having no more babies anymore now: that’s it’s probably for the best. My heart tells me one thing but my mind tells me something entirely different and oftentimes reality is not as good as the wish.But I can still dream, right? Right now it is just a secret dream of my heart, no one knows except for myself, my diary and now this blog,but I haven’t told anyone my secret desire, knowing it will be mocked ,rejected,and criticized.
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As well, my mom still has this horrible cough and even makes these weird wheezing sounds as she struggles to breathe yet refuses to go to a clinic simply because *I* suggested it; she’s stubborn and HAS to reject, oppose, dismiss,ignore,and discredit ANYTHING that *I* say,even though as a former nurse she should know better! The 4 YR old also was grabbing the 12 YR old around the neck and choking her,and spoiled as always,too: my hubby gave him an entire chicken leg off his plate even though he hadn’t even finished his own dinner yet when the 8 YR old(who DID finish hers) asked he refused! No WONDER he’s so obnoxious and bad; he’s never told “no”(except by me) and gets everything he wants, is never punished, and gets special rights! I oppose it but of course I’m always over-ruled and my opinion means nothing, carries no weight, and I have no authority.I am completely ignored, disrespected and powerless.
The 13 YR old is a bully as well,always teasing, taunting,name calling and generally being mean(his fave. targets are me and the 8 YR old) and yesterday he was making fun of the 4 YR old but when he lost at a game the 8 YR old could do the 17 YR old made fun of HIM and he couldn’t take it; he was screaming and stomping and went upstairs in a huff, sulking, being a suck, slamming doors, etc.basically acting like a 2 YR old, so he can dish it out but he can’t take it when it happens to him,and I remember fondly when I used to play violin, before I had kids, and how Brahm’s Hungarian Dance was my fave. and maybe one day I’ll go back to it later, when the kids are all grown and I have more time?
I also hate and resent how my hubby continues to try and turn the kids into low-class rednecks like him: he lets them run around in the house, throw things in the house, eat food off other people’s plates, eat with their fingers, etc. despite my constant objections but there is a glimmer of hope my teachings might still be rubbing off and having an effect at least on some of them: the 4 YR old loves Classical music and the 8 and 10 YR olds like ballet and none of them like sports or country music…maybe there still IS some hope, afterall…
January 25, 2012
Ketchup Post.
Catching up on our lives and happenings:
Cadets later today they are doing a “temperature check” on the kids I find to be intrusive and odd and in March Break they are going on a trip to Toronto. My hubby is also taking the older kids rock wall climbing on Saturday,and used spray paint in the basement and the fumes were so bad I could even smell it 3 floors up with the door closed and it gave me a headache and probably fried a few brain cells(I can’t afford to lose!)! I also hit the back of my head on the bathtub as I slipped deeper down and now wonder if I f*cked up my brainstem.
I am saving $$$ to get another boob reduction as well as they’re so big I have trouble finding clothes that fit and everything’s too tight on the chest and buttons always pop open and I’m so fat my fur coat doesn’t fit me anymore now either and I can’t do it up and it’s too tight on the upper arms,and my mother has a cough so bad it’s non-stop and she chokes and can’t breathe momentarily and almost coughed up a lung and I told her to go to the walk-in clinic esp. as with old people pneumonia is always a concern but she brushed me off even though as a former nurse she should know better and that’s TOO extreme I think, even for a cough. Some of the kids have colds now as well.
The 4 YR old also kicked the 8 YR old hard in the stomach,a crazy Cardinal kept flying into our livingroom window, a man in church Sunday said our 15 YR old has “funny hair” as it’s spiky and dyed pink, green and blue (she looks like a parrot) I told my hubby I think he overdoes it with giving the 8 YR old 200 math questions a day(on top of her other school work) 100 each multiplying and dividing and it stresses her out and frustrates her(and he doesn’t think they should get any time off either) and he snarls, “You just want the kids to be dumb like YOU!”
I also think I MIGHT have seen the guy I used to love on TV! I was switching over channels for the news and the show before was some thing filmed in Toronto and it sure looked exactly like him sitting in the studio audience! He’s bald like me now as well, and it really irks me when people say “Pet Parent” as well; you’re a pet owner, NOT a “parent”; you CAN’T be a parent to another species! Some people are so brain-dead it’s unreal!
