Daily Archives: November 21, 2017
Do I Matter?
 When I told my mother that I’m tired of her and my hubby always siding together against me and ganging up on me and that I never get any support and I have no say, authority, or control in my own life or family,and that my opinions, thoughts, needs, and feelings don’t matter and that I’m always vetoed, over-ruled, undermined and ignored she sneered, and I’m tired of you always complaining about it! so I said to her Then stop doing it! If you didn’t do it then I’d have nothing to complain about! and then she snickers, Things can’t always go your way! and told me if I didn’t like it then I can move out, and I told her, But things never go my way and I feel so trapped and helpless in my own life, like I’m a hostage, and I would move out if I could but I don’t have any $$$$ or anywhere to go!
So that got me thinking, Do I matter? I know to God I do,and I know that my dog loves me, but other than that, no; I don’t. I just realized that there’s not one single human being that cares whether or not I live or die. I don’t matter to anyone. No one loves me or cares about me. No one worries about me or thinks about me. No one misses me. No one desires me. No one fantasizes about me. No one dreams about me. No one is happy to see me. No one needs me or wants me. No one includes me. No one smiles when they think about me. No one is concerned when I’m sick.
I wish that someone’s heart would flutter when they look into my eyes. I wish when someone thinks of me or hears my name they smile and think that’s my friend. I wish someone saw a hippo or a sunflower or heard Reggae and thought of me. I wish someone worried when I’m sick. I wish someone misses me when I go away. I wish someone was happy to see me when I come home. I wish I meant something to someone.I wish someone would celebrate my birthday. I wish I was worth hand-made items.I wish I was attractive to someone. I wish I was in someone’s mind and heart. I wish someone cared about me. I wish someone enjoyed my twisted sense of humour. I wish someone enjoyed my company. I wish someone could see past my looks, my disabilities, my limitations, my failures,etc. and just see me. I wish someone loved me. I wish I mattered.